Bored at home
Googling different types of rocks
It’s bringing back all these bad memories I thought I blocked off.
Sitting in geology
I’m the only one that’s working hard
On a group project with a bunch of fucking potheads.
I’m nervous so I don’t speak.
As if I needed one more reason that day to be sad
As if they needed one more way to rebel against their dads
Shitty grades galore.
As if I wasn’t already mad.
Because I can’t be the only one that thinks that pot smells bad.
Not that I’m judging or saying I’m above
If I was a bug I would have been squashed years ago
If I was a car I would have been repo’d years ago
If I was those years I’d be long forgotten by now.
Call me the Ottoman Empire without a pulse.
Thinking about all this made me think about my past more
And all the second guessing that I really should have ignored
And all the gut instincts that I really should have payed more attention to
At the time and in the moment itself.
I alienate myself over the dumbest things.
If I’m not alone forever
I’ll be alone for the foreseeable future.
Not that I’m complaining
But I’m tired of being soulmates with myself.
Actually, what the hell am I talking about?
That’s totally complaining.
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